April was a month that was full of low quality tap ins. The quality of the goals I scored in May was definitely much higher.

I noticed that there was a recurring theme which was that I get tired really early on and play awfully for an hour or so until all the other players are tired too and then I have a strong period to finish the game.

Wednesday May 5th 2021 - 1 Goal

My first match in May happened to be on the morning of my birthday and a good start to my birthday it was.

Once again, I found myself playing in a more defensive role than I had in months past. Perhaps I should get used to teams not wanting or needing me for my attacking output.

My goal on this early Wednesday morning was one of my better goals recently.

I was waiting on the wing just inside my own half when I picked up the ball. The opposing defender quickly closed me down and I did well to shield the ball from him.

What followed was some of the trickiest trickery I have ever conjured up from my bag of tricks.

I dropped my shoulder giving the defender the illusion that I was about to run infield. Once the defender had committed, I quickly did a 180° outward spin as I made my way down the byline leaving the elderly defender with his arse planted firmly on the ground. To round up a wonderful move, I powered a quick first time effort past the keeper beating him at his top right corner.

Sunday May 16th 2021 - 2 Goals

This was a very average game for me. I didn’t really contribute anything substantial for the first hour. We had been out for a big dinner with some friends we hadn’t seen for a long time and I probably ended up eating more than any serious athlete should before a match.

Perhaps it could be considered tactically wise letting the other players tire themselves out before scoring two average goals. Perhaps it would be considered being, unfit and too lazy to track back when my team was defending and being on the end of two lucky breaks. We will never know.

Sunday May 30th 2021 - 2 Goals

This match as a whole was without a doubt one of the worst footballing performances of recent time. However, the two goals I scored were two of the best goals I have scored since I began tracking all my goals at the start of the year.

Once again, a poor performance was saved by two very late goals once everybody was tired.

For the first of the goals I can’t really explain what came over me when I received the ball on the edge of the box. The ball arrived at my feet as I had my back to goal, and I could feel the keeper making his way to my position. For some reason that I will never know until the day I die, I did a silly little jump which obviously did a great job confusing the goalkeeper. As soon as I landed, I scooped the ball with my right foot whilst turning to face goal and stroked it between the keeper’s legs and into the back of the net.

My second goal was a goal that any below average footballer would be proud of. Straight after kick off, the I managed to peel away from a defender on the left hand side. My team mate found me in acres of space. However, by now the defender I had previouly out-manouvered had made his way back into position and was doing his best to stop me from getting a shot away.

I must thank the poor fella actually because in his quick return to position, he managed to create a good line for me to see the goal clearly. So, I squared up the shot and managed to curl it around the big defender and it flew past the keeper who had no chance of saving it.


Another average month in which my goals per game ratio fell to a measly two. I will need to play another 37 games in the next seven months if I intend to complete my goal of 100 goals before the end of the year.

💬 Looking for comments?

I don't have comments on this site as they're difficult to manage and take up too much time. I'd rather concentrate on producing content than managing comments.

Instead of leaving a comment, feel free to contact me ✉️ contact me instead.