After a busy summer, it was time for me to get back to football and I managed to keep to my current target of 2 goals a game.

Wednesday, September 15th 2021 - 2 goals

There was something in the air this cold Wednesday evening. For I was not the only player who had left their shooting boots at home. I have never seen a game of football in which so many perfectly healthy individuals missed so many chances, with many of them being absolute sitters.

Of course, I had my own share of embarrassing misses, but you readers are here to read about my triumphs, not my shortcomings, so I’ll move swiftly on and save myself some face. Having said that, neither of the goals I scored on the day are really worth writing about.

It was a cagy, end to end match, which made both team’s poor finishing all the more surprising. My first break came quite a while into the match. A ball was floated over the top from my defender and I ran towards goal with my eyes only on the ball. The goalkeeper had a similar idea and I’m sure you can see where this is going. I managed to get to the ball first and somehow managed to poke it between my opponents legs whilst simultaneously clattering him. Some of the opposing players said that it didn’t count, but nobody was officially keeping score. If Pelé says they all count, then who am I to disagree.

The second goal again was probably a lot less exciting than how I am going to describe it. Once again, I was the furthest player forward, and once again, a quick ball was launched forward for me to latch on to. This time the ball was low to the ground and the keeper was quick off his line. One touch was enough for me to poke it to my left and round the keeper, then it was a simple finish from the edge of the box to double my talley for the evening.